rachel’s new fad diet
forget about carb counting. i am releasing a diet book later in the year with my no fail plan for keeping slim and trim. I call it “The Alcohol Diet.” now, i know what you’re thinking, “don’t they tell you to stay away from alcohol if you’re trying to lose weight?” Yes! they do tell you that! well, i’m here to finally end the myth! while alcohol (read binge drinking) will make you gain weight IN ADDITION to a normal 2000 calorie diet, if all you do is drink alcohol, problem solved!
1) eat a sensible breakfast - like a cup of coffee for instance and a handful of free office pretzels, or whatever else they have there in the reception area, all crushed up and aging in a bowl
2) eat a sensible lunch - say, some Doritos out of the vending machine they have in your office that only charges .60…what a steal!
and 3) have a sensible dinner - say, two or three 24 ounce beers that they sell for .99 at the store next to your house, and some stove top stuffing that’s been in the back cupboard since you moved in.
voila! i guarantee you will lose weight, and wow - economically! you could wind up, literally, dicing your food costs!
man, i should run for office or something. it’s a shame to waste this great mind pertending to work for a living…
