I Don’t Want a Stupid Title

Well, since I’ve had every other sort of identity crises, I thought, why not one for my cultural idenity?   So, if anyone is wondering, that’s what is going on with the new look.  It has nothing to do with a halloween costume, or my preparation for my halloween costume.  Nope, I’ve gone gansta, so deal peeps.  I mean, it was kind of a seamless transition for me considering the neighborhood I live in.  My new boyfriend, Two Tone is teaching me how to beat box, and I’m going to be a hype woman.  We do a lot of street performances and that sort of thing.  I also dabble in sale of low grade narcotics.  I mean, nothing huge, just pot and some crack.  So, let me know if you’re interested and I will shoot over my beeper number.  Word. 

fatal attraction is a really sexist movie.

1) the guy cheats on his wife and leads on this lady

2) he knocks her up

3) gets pissed when she won’t just have an easy little abortion

4) threatens to kill her if she ever tells his wife

5) gets all pissed off because she expects him to take responsibility for his kid

I don’t know 1980s…the pre women’s lib era called and they want their blatant misogyny back.

I mean, geez, you boil one bunny rabbit, and people act like you’re a psycho…

10. “i like girls who wear abercrombie and fitch, chinese food makes me sick.”

9. “with an ironclad fist, i wake up and french kiss the morning.”

8.  “pretty woman, yeah yeah yeah yeah.”

7.  “Do you take sugar? One lump or two?”

6.  “So happy together….So how is the weather?”

5.  “Shoo be doo waa and Scooby Snacks.”

4.  “A licky boom boom down.”

3.  “What’s goin on in the kitchen, but I don’t know what’s cookin’.”

2.  “Wouldn’t you agree, baby you and me, got a groovy kind of love.”

1.  “Once you dig in, you’ll find it coming out the other side.”

Rachel’s review of the top ten worst song lyrics ever:

First, I want to congratulate LFO for making the list not once, but count ‘em, TWICE!  And they should know: randomly listing sentences together is NOT song writing! Way to suck!

Next, I would like to comment that Roy Orbison’s “Pretty Woman,” and Snow’s “Informer,” really only made the list out of sheer laziness.  They could have easily thought of actual lyrics instead of gibberish, but chose not to.  Similarly, with “So Happy Together,” I want to point out that just because something rhymes, doesn’t necessarily mean it makes any sense at all.

Next, I have to give props to Bon Jovi’s CLASSIC line from “Bed of Roses.”  So bad it’s good…

Moving along, I will point out that “Pour Some Sugar on Me” and “Gangstas Paradise” suffered from just total stupidity, while “A Groovy Kind of Love,” suffered from general lameness. 

And finally, topping off the list, it was Lenny Kravitz with a thinly veiled bowel movement reference to take the stupidest lyric ever!  Way to go Lenny!   I can’t stand your music!

Thoughts?  Comments?

Okay, Maureen, I don’t know why I’m bothering to post this, but maybe you’ll enjoy it all written out.

As you may or may not know (haha) I met this guy at Whole Foods recently and we went out yesterday on a date.  Yes, you read that correctly, I went on a date with a human boy!  A real human boy!
Anyway, he is cute and seems really nice.  There’s just this one thing though…he was wearing a fanny pack. ???

My sister says don’t write him off based on that one fact alone, and I wasn’t planning on it, but it does get you to thinking.  Then, my mom said “Fanny packs are very New York City.”  I like that she said this, and although I wasn’t there to hear it, I like to assume she said it all kind of condescendingly, like she is the end all and be all as pertaining to what the “kids” in NYC are doing these days.

Well, I can tell you one thing, it ain’t wearin’ fanny packs.

Regardless, there’s no point to this, and the one person who reads this blog has already heard every last detail of this story. 
What can I say, there’s nothin’ on TV tonight.

if you recall, Bo Derek’s character wants to “make love” to Ravel’s Bolero. 

and this is when i knew the movie was written by a man. 

i mean, for christ sake, it sounds like some sort of super-repetetive battle march. who wants to do it to that???  in fact, i can’t listen to that song anymore without tightly clenching my thighs together…

now, for those of you who haven’t heard Ravel’s Bolero, let me quickly type you up my own online rendition:

Dun dun dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun dun dun DUN DUN DUN Dun dun dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun dun dun DUN DUN DUN….

And it goes on like that for 15 minutes.

FYI boys, if you grew up on that movie and have modeled your “method” to the ochestral sytlings of Ravel’s Bolero, that’s not really the sort of thing we encourage.  So, please, stop.

Sorry.

are like the black hole.  you can walk up and down the aisles twenty times before you finally find the applesauce.  and each time you make a wrong turn you’re like “damnit!  now i have to walk by the garbage bags again, all the way down to the tupperware!  fuck it all, I just went down the cake mix aisle!”

yeah, i spent my lunch break aimlessly walking up and down the aisles, way too proud to ask for directions. 

She really doesn’t get the credit she’s due.  That’s why I wrote her this song.

Oh, beautiful, Nebraska

Sweet dreamland I have found

Oh, beautiful, Nebraska

What wonders may abound?

My troubles float away,

‘Cause Nebraska you’re okay

Oh, home of Arbor Day, can you come and take me away?

(Sing in Loop)

Maybe I’ll figure out the chords and post them, for those of you are on the edge of your seats saying, “but what’s the melody???”  

Whatever.  I like it.

i’m so sick of everything.  there’s no point in even trying.  people are just too hard to get along with.  i’m misunderstood, and, though i don’t hate everyone and i’m not a raging bitch like everyone seems to think i am, maybe that’s my problem and i should just go with it.  because, to be perfectly honest, i’m a hell of a lot more thoughtful than most people.  people are mean to me all the time and i just trick myself into thinking it isn’t personal.  i just want to delete myself from society sometimes.  i want to go live in a little shack somewhere where no one can talk to me and that way i don’t feel bad when they wouldn’t have even bothered in the first place. 

fuck everybody. 

so, we went out last night and i ended up striking up a conversation with this shaggy haired jew boy (you know how i love shaggy haired jew boys) and we actually had a really good conversation.  he was really cool and not at all an asshole or boring etc.  then i asked how old he is.  He says, “I’ll be 21 in a few months.”  But I still talked to him for the rest of the night, mostly because he was the only guy in the bar who wasn’t really weird or annoying.  We shared a box of Nerds, and then I read him a bedtime story and told him he had to go to sleep, but no he couldn’t have his pacie because it’s going to end up ruining his teeth.  He cried for a while, but I know it was for the best.

*we actually shared a box of nerds.  it was kind of cute*

Has gone to hell.  Total hell I say.  The last cute boy I saw (i mean, aside from my new love, DJ Mickey) I pointed at, said “You’re hot!”  and ran.  What’s happened to me???