I Don’t Want a Stupid Title

sometimes i think i don’t believe in it, and then something like this happens, knocking me on my ass and turning the whole world upside down:

i was driving home from dropping LaLa off at the airport, and was feeling hungry, lazy, and bored with my usual dining routines.  Not really knowing why, I got off the freeway at Sunset, though I would normally take Gower or even Cahuenga. And that’s when I saw it:  Arby’s. 

Not someplace I normally go because there’s like only one in all of LA.  But as I saw that oversized neon hat, I knew why i had taken that freeway exit.  I knew.

*  special note to the boy: does this remind you of your auspicious first drive thru experience?  remember how embarassed you were when I made you order the turkey swiss, minus the turkey?  does it haunt you in your dreams?  does it?

they say you make an ass of both you and of me.  however, in my experience, when i assume, 9 times out of 10 it’s just me who’s the ass. consider the time i assumed it would be okay to merge from a right hand only turn lane into the middle lane so i wouldn’t have to turn because no one was in that lane.  i got the $900 ticket, but i don’t recall you being affected any.

when people say “vise-a versa,” when clearly the phrase is “vice versa.”  evidence:  the 1988 Judge Reinhold and Fred Savage vehicle.  what more proof does one need, and has no one seen that movie besides me?  

i don’t know, sometimes i just feel like the only one paying attention around here. 

whenever i write a check to a friend, i always put “for services rendered” in the subject line.  i don’t even think about it anymore, it’s become just part of the routine of writing a check. 

my point is, anytime making dry, sexual references starts to become a routine part of your daily administrative tasking, i think what this means is you’re really, really uncool, with far too much time on your hands. 

the people at crystal light that is. they were advertising this new “light lemon” flavor for their crystal lite on the go and i happen to think the normal lemon flavor is just a touch too strong. so i bought it, only to realize, it is the exact same product, but only packaged in tinier little tubes. so i paid the same amount for half as much essentially.

you got me this time crystal light. i hope you take the time to relish in it, because, i promise you; it will not happen again.

work something like, “But she’s a scorpio, so…” or “But that’s what you get for dating a gemini” into a sentence.

all my car has is one of those little four-slot deals. 

which got me to wondering.  it is my theory that there are some people in the automotive industry who don’t believe in the wisdom behind the change tray, and they put those little four-slotters in cars as a personal affront to those of us who still believe in the dream:  the dream of having a convenient place to store our meter money and extra change from going through the drive thru, without having to scramble around our center consoles, which we also keep pens and business cards people give us but we don’t know what else to do with them, when the lady at the pay station in the parking lot is none-too-patiently waiting for her dollar in pennies so she can let us out and we can get back to work, because how long do you think our lunch breaks are anyway? 

i hate you coin slot.  you are a mockery of everything in this world that is good and right.