I Don’t Want a Stupid Title

i just remembered today that i used to refuse to use spoons, meaning, i would eat everything with a fork.  including soup.

and i guess my point is, it feels good to be able to look back at something totally insane and be able to say, “Hey, Rachel, that was totally insane.”

and the best part about it is this was around the same time my brother was terrified of lose change, and i would belittle him about it constantly.  i think it must be some sort of recessive gene in our family because now that i think about it, mom used to talk about how one of her cousins would only eat sqaure hamburgers.  now that’s the sort of senseless neuroticism i can enjoy!

what annoys me even more than people who use the wrong punctuation, is when someone tries to tell me i’m mis-using or overusing my commas or semi-colons; commas are a feeling, and so are semi-colons, if i want to write one, long, gigantic, run-on sentence, with absolutely no point at all, then that is my mother-f***ing prerogative:  know what I mean?

last night at fiesta cantina Lauren and I were having margaritas and this little asian gay guy came over and slapped a 20 dollar bill on the bar and said the next one’s on him and then disappeared, never to be seen again. we waited for like 15 minutes, and then left to go buy a bottle of vodka at the liquor store. it was awesome.

is spelled t-i-v-o

1) dane cook:  don’t get it; loud and obnoxious for me just equals loud and obnoxious. 

2) same reason, but at least he does it with charm: jim carrey.  he is a good actor though and i think he sells himself short when he tries to be funny. 

subtlety people.  subtlety.

with adam levine and lauren.  that’s what i’m talkin’ about.  how bout it fate?

*he is so sexy!

2 years ago my roommate (former) switched my toilet paper roll thing with this special scented one, that doesn’t fit.  and she did something with it, threw it away or something, and i’ve been pissed off ever since each and every time it falls because the damn thing is too fucking small. 

well spent aggresion and frustration, no?

Hark the Herald Angels Sing,

 Behold our saviors ding-a-ling.

No greater miracle than his erection,

Puts to shame the resurrection.

Have you seen what’s between his thighs?

It’s like an elephant’s but twice the size.

Hangs below his knees and swings!

Glory to his ding-a-ling!

Everyone who reads this, if you’re really my friend, take it to an elementary school and sing it to ten kids each.  That’s all I ask of you!  It’ll spread like wild fire I’m sure. 

 Come on guys!  The way things are looking, this could be my one true shot at greatness!  What do you say, boy?  Will you do it for me?  Ride the bus to school just for a week.  Do it for your old sister!  Remember all the times I took you for ice cream or let you watch stupid cartoons -

It’s time we retire that stupid Jingle Bells Batman-Smells foolishness.  This is 2007; whatdya say team???

kind of wanted to get drunk tonight, but was too damn lazy to go out with friends.  might go to the liquor store to get some beer.  and doritos.  yes, the doritos will be integral.  then will come back here and practice being pyschic.  the great thing with practicing being psychic is, there’s just so much room for growth.  very little room for actual forward motion, but i suppose ’tis the way with many things in life.  maybe i’ll get plastered and work on my rules of time travel.  there’s just a quiet dignity to getting plastered at home by yourself on a friday night, while eating doritos and daydreaming about sci fi stuff. 

(the reason behind my subject is that i once said something to this effect to Kari, to which she replied , it actually has more of a whispering femininity than anything, and I thought that was funny and it reminded me of the subtle majesty facing me in the rest of the evening to come)

p.s. if anyone ever calls me butch, i will cry.  absolutely, 100% guaranteed.  Maybe not right away, but alone in the bathroom later, clutching a hand towel to my face with my hand bracing against the sink. 

such a rich subject deserves two blogs, right?

anyway, i was thinking it would be a good topic for next season of 24; an opportunity for jack bauer to finally meet his match. i think it would make for a really dramatic, scintillating season.  maybe episode one he would measure all the windows in the house, writing them down on a piece of paper, only to spill coffee on it during episode three.  then, in episode twelve he’d have an argument down with the people at the store, telling them they have to work faster, and where’d they get the idea that he wanted venetians anyway.  during crunch time, around episode twenty, there’d be a problem with the installation when one of the workers pulls a muscle in his lower back and, so, jack has to get on the phone and see if he can get a replacement to come over right away.  “Blinds in one day?”  they’d laugh, “It can’t be done!” 

although, where does that show take place, because if it’s DC, we could have a problem since I’ve been told there’s a company down there called “Next Day Blinds.”

Those lucky bastards in the capital don’t know how good they have it.